jwaneeta

I've been under the sea for a bit so I don't know for certain, but I can't rest until I'm certain the whole world knows about about James Marsters' upcoming guest shot on the doomed donkey-ball-sucking teen soaper The Mountain.

Of course we all take a gander at BAPs every couple of days or so and know this already, but just in case, God forbid, someone doesn't know it and is in danger of missing a few minutes of JM, the episode will air November 3rd.

James will play the feckless, get-rich-quick-scheme-chasing, recovering alcoholic, divorced father of the only passable actor on the show (I forget the kid's name, and it's utter hearsay, because I wasn't aware of the show's existence until a week ago, but that's the prevailing o. for what it's worth, which is admittedly nine pound o' nothing).

There are some who take exception to the casting, but I here confess that the mere notion of JM playing a teen's dad kinda makes me slobber down my shirtfront. I don't know why. Maybe it's a kink, but I'm strangely cheered by the propect of not fretting about how they light the poor guy.

This doesn't mean I'm looking forward to the AU all human!Mountain-BtVS fanfic crossover(s) that'll inevitably surface, though. Oooh! There goes a FedEx truck! I'm supposed to be putting production notes on my boards and printing an invoice! But if you can't procrastinate after 5 days of feverish deadline panic, what's the point of slogging on?

BUFFY: Spike! Ur alive I missed you zo much I love you 4evah OMG!

FECKLESS DIVORCED DAD: Hi. I saw you in the parking lot of the Stop'n'Rob, right? Sorry about your fender.

BUFFY: O Jezus Spike u bin reborn and have amnesia and I must give u teh sexx0r to bring back the memories of our 2-late up-making!

FECKLESS DIVORCED DAD: *thinks* That's possibly the thinnest bra I've ever seen. God bless these enlightened days we live in. I know a thing or two about fenders. I mean I know a guy. Did you lose any paint?

BUFFY: My eyes are welling with tears of joy even as I throb in all my secret places! I dun wanna know why or how you've been restored to me o spike O baby your hair got burnt off! It looks fantastic!

FECKLESS DIVORCED DAD: *Rubs shorn pate bashfully* Supercuts. Um, what's your name again? Do you like microbrew? How about those Cubbies?

BUFFY: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Get that shirt off! I'm sorry!

FECKLESS DIVORCED DAD: Sure. Introductions can wait.

TEEN: *enters, registers dismay* Dad! I can't believe this! I need a role model! But you keep disappointing me and I have to stop enabling you and I must be my own dad I'm so alone!

FECKLESS DIVORCED DAD: Ow.

BUFFY: You're a father? This is so totally an alternate univerz and we kin begin again! You bear no relation to my martyred Spike but u r hot anyway and I think this is my son, too!11ninetyfive!

TEEN: Mom?

FECKLESS DIVORCED DAD: Honey! Are you taking me back?

BUFFY: Sure, I totally know a good thing when I see it! And I must make up 4 all the meanness! We can be a fambly again!

TEEN: The joy!

BUFFY: I want more teen children with your human self, spikeOMG. & I want to atone all over you as soon as our son goes to the malt shop.

FECKLESS DIVORCED DAD: Okay!

TEEN: *fondly* You guys.

BUFFY AND FECKLESS DIVORCED DAD: Hahahahaha!

The Beginning