jwaneeta

The self-hating shame spiral continues merrily apace. I sent the Romeo page to the editor and immediately followed with a frantic email pleading with her to forget she saw it. Romeo's wearing a mask, it's overpainted, it's horrible I've started another oh oh oh!

Editor calls. "Hi? I.. I don't really understand what the problem is."

Me: "It's ugly woe!"

Editor: "Actually, it's fantastic and [name of head guy] is thrilled. We both are. It's great."

Me: "But it's icky and I started another version, pule, whimper."

Editor: (with the careful voice one uses around the dangerously addled) "Are you not comfortable? We want you to be comfortable. But really, it's gorgeous/great/just right/happy/soothe/calm."

Me: "Babble... babble... different version... version four..."

Editor: "Soothe."

Me: "Okay."

Me: shuts up.

I'm still going to send the fourth version when I mail the inks for the other page. I can't not. Because it really is better -- it took less than two hours to get the underpainting done, it rolled. But I have an extra week and the publisher likes what I sent so far, so I'm moderately relieved.

I seemed to relapse yesterday, but I slept ten hours and feel like I've beaten it. I'm drawing okay today. But that meant missing Mass for All Saints. It's a solemnity and I called in sick. *guilts*

Had this big plan to dig a silent hole and not emerge until after the election, because honestly, with that, and the work, and the shame spiralation I'm a jibbering loon. But here I am, jibbering. Not sure why.

I wish I could watch the election with somebody. Quigee, I'm a-scare! Tension.

Gibber? Jibber? Augh.

Page was liked by editor (incrementally increasing chances of further income).

Boards were liked by producer (incrementally increasing chances of further income).

Non-substandard work was done by me (substantially decreasing chances of a shrieking nervous collapse).

Federal Judges kept knocking down Republican plans to post challengers at polls (incrementally decreasing chances of election chicanery).

http://www.newsday.com/news/politics/ny-usohiochallenges1101,0,2222772.story?coll=ny-election-mezz

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It may help Kerry win. It may not. But at least somebody's fighting right down to the wire and upholding the rule of law. Here's to the people who sued, to the judges who listened, and to all the people who've registered in such numbers as to scare the crud out of the opposition.